A yougoogooley for my Nuskin job

So today is my last day as an employee here at Nuskin and I have to say that overall, the job was pretty good. For those of you who may not know, I've been working these past six months as an agent in the Nuskin call center. More specifically, I've been working with the distributors that they have in Mexico and Venezuela. My job usually involves me sitting at a desk with a headset on in front of a computer just waiting until someone calls. While we're waiting, we're allowed to do homework, read, go on the Internet and other stuff like that. I can honestly say I've done more homework in these 6 months than I ever have before. That's also the reason why it seems like I'm always on facebook talking to people. I get lonely and bored (there's only so much homework you can do).

As I was saying, today's my last day and these last six months have been pretty good. I mean, it's certainly not perfect, but the overall experience has been nice. I've learned some very important things about life, such as: multi-level marketing is of the devil and should not exist as a way to run a business, people are probably not as smart nor as right as they think they are, and people will pay ridiculous amounts of money for soap and shampoo.

But I must say that my co-workers and some pretty entertaining experiences with some of the distributors have to be the two best parts about this job. That, and the fact that I won't have to buy shampoo and toothpaste for at least a year. So I've decided to include some of the more entertaining ones that have happened in this little eulogy for my job (and for the sake of those who don't know Spanish, I've translated the dialog for you all).

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The first one I had was with a woman who called in to make an order for some products that she wanted. She was a nice, older lady and we had fun talking, but finally we came to the end where I had to give her an order number. Our conversation went something like this:

"Alright ma'am, so I have your order number ready for you. Are you ready to write it down?"
"Just a second... yes, I'm ready."

"Alright. Your number is 1,2,2,4..."
"1,2,2,4..."

"5,6,2,3..."
"5,D,2,3..."

"Oh, sorry, I must have told you the number wrong. It's 6 - not D. 5,6,2,3."
"D?"

"No, it's 6. Like the number 6."
"D? As in dedo?" (that's Spanish for finger)

"No, it's 6. As in the number that comes after 5--"
(interrupting) "Oh, so it's 5?"

"No, it's 6."
"D?"

"No, ma'am. It's a number. Six. Six. Siiiiiiiiiiix. You know, it comes after 5 and before 7?"
"...I don't understand."

"Hmmm... well, it's 6, as in: 1,2,3,4,5,6. The last number, you know?" (I almost wanted to say: "as in, not the letter D" but then I would have felt bad because she was such a nice little old lady, just a little hard of hearing.)

This conversation went on like this for literally 10 minutes or so, until I said the following:
"it's 6, as in 60, 65, 68"

Then she was like:"Oh 6. I get it."
(The worst part is, the number 6 and the letter D sound nothing alike, not even in Spanish)

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I actually didn't get this call. The guy who did was Stephen, who used to sit right behind me. I happened to finish a call with a person when I heard him say:

"...so you mean to tell me that I, before I was born, flew around as a spirit and came to my parents and told them my name?"

"..."

"...right."

"So my kids will do the same thing to me before I have them."

"..."

"...right. What if I don't want to name them that?"

"..."

"...right."

You have to realize, half of the reason why this was so funny was because of the type of person Stephen is. He's pretty cool, but one of his characteristics that people notice first about him is his sarcasm and his dry, sarcastic humor. I talked to him after he was done with the call and he told me that a woman called who claimed that she was a type of prophetess. She then began to tell him about how she lived in a trailer park and told people's fortunes by using numbers. She then told Stephen's fortune using the same system and then tried to convince him that people choose their names before their born. Needless to say, Stephen didn't believe her, and if I'm not mistaken, I think she hung up on him.

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Some people like to call at night. Some people like to call at lunch. Some people, like this woman who I was trying to put into our system, like to call when they're at parties or standing in the middle of a busy intersection:

Me: "Hello, my name is Brenton and thanks for calling Nuskin enterprises, how can I help you?"
(people shouting)
Her: "Hello? Hello! Hello!"

Me: "Hello, ma'am, my name is Brenton. How can I help you today?"
(long pause with sounds of cars passing in the background)

Me: "Hello, ma'am?"
(a noisy 2-cycle motorcycle passes by)
Her: "Hello? Hello! Hello! Who am I talking to?"

Me: "I'm Brenton, how can I help you?"
Her: "Ok, I need to sign myself up."

Me: "Alright, let me get a number for you real quick... alright. I have it. So, the number is V, E, zero, zero, zero, zero, six, six, five."
(Car honks)
Her: "What? Hello! Hello!"

Me: "Hello. I have the number that you need. It's: VE0000665"
(Someone starts yelling really close to her)
Her: "Huh? It's BI000065?"

Me: "No, it's VE000-"
Her: "Hello! Hello!" (More cars honking)

Me: "Hello. I'm still here. The number is-"
(people talking)
Her: "Hello!"

Me: "Ma'am, I'm still here - your number is VE0000665"
Her: "It's VI000065?"

Me: "No, it's VE and 665."
(Tires screech and a horn honks)
Her: "Hello? Hello!"

Me: "Ma'am. I'm still here. Your number is VE0000665"
Her: "You're speaking too softly and it sounds like you're far away. Speak up!"

Me: "Ok, your number is VE0000665."
Her: "BI65?"

Me: "No, it's VE0000665."
Her: "VE000065?"

Me: "665."
(music starts playing loudly nearby)
Her: "I don't her you hardly at all. Hello? Hello!"

Me: "I'm still here."

The call went on for about a half hour. I must confess that I prefer when they're calling from a party or something, because then they at least have some good music playing in the background.

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There's a woman who often calls who, after I introduce myself, always says, "I'm calling you... right?"

The funny part isn't so much of what she says, but what I had the urge to tell her. Last time she called, I almost told her, "No, you're not calling us." and then hang up on her. The only reasons why I didn't were because she probably wouldn't have found that very funny and because my work would probably have gotten mad at me. Oh, well. At least I'm prepared for a comeback if someone ever calls my cell and says that...

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The other day I was charging someone's credit card and it wasn't working. It was because the date on the card was wrong. I told the woman this and she told me to change the date. The date that she wanted me to change it to was the 22nd month of 2013. Now, I know that 2013 is still a little ways away, but unless there is some type of global announcement that I missed, I think we're still going to have 12 months every year. I tried to explain the woman this, but she didn't believe me and tried to tell me how it really is possible to have 22 months in a year. I still don't get it...

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People have a hard time saying my name in Latin America. When I first started, they would ask me to repeat my name and I would help them understand it and get it right. I stopped doing this after a while because it could sometimes take about 5 minutes to help them figure it out and usually involved spelling it in several creative ways. So instead of going through this long process, I decided just to agree with whatever name they happen to call me after I say my name.

"What's your name?"
"Brenton."

"Bryan?"
"Yup, that's it."

So here is a little list some of the more common names and more entertaining ones that I've been called in these last two weeks (because I don't remember most of the ones that they've said before then). I've been called: Brandon, Bryan, Fransico, Bray, Fran, Brighton, Franco, Paco, Franklin, Ray, Juan, Braydo, and my personal favorite, Friend.

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The last one that I am going to mention today is one of my favorites. I was helping someone with a problem and afterwards I asked if there was anything else that she needed. She said that there wasn't, so I told her goodbye and proceeded to write up a little report about what happened. As I did, I suddenly heard 'The Entertainer' (the piano song) start to play over my headset in full 16-bit sound! I started laughing and looked around, a little confused, trying to figure out what was going on. It played through one full time and was into the second when I finally figured out what happened: the woman who I was talking to, instead of hanging up the phone, had put me on hold instead. (Apparently, she has a thing for 'The Entertainer' playing in high-def 16-bit sound) I thought it was pretty great and told my boss that they should make it so that all agents can listen to that same type of high quality while they're writing their reports. He told me no. Sad!

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...and thus ends my yougoogooley. The job has treated me well, may it Rest In Peace, but, alas, I must now move on to greener pastures and better things...

Of wheelchairs and alligators

This is a picture that I had at the top of my blog for a while, but recently removed it. So I decided to explain it here because I'm sure that it's made a couple of people curious. The first time that I saw that sign was when I was walking around a mall with my second cousin, Lessa, who wanted to visit a secondhand bookstore. So we went in and wondered around a bit. I was pretty much grabbing any book that looked interesting and/or weird. One of them had several photos in it, and included a picture of this sign and I thought it was funny. THE END.

What? You expected there to be more to the story? Well, there really isn't. It's just a funny picture that made my cousin and I laugh. I have no idea what it means. I just ran across it again and decided to put it here.

Also, if you haven't already noticed, I posted some of the poems and thoughts that I've written. They are certainly not all of them (there are several more), but they are the ones that I like the best and the ones that I think others would appreciate the best. I definitely don't consider myself a writer, but I enjoy doing it every now and then and I think I'm decent at it. Feel free to enjoy and post your comments and ideas. The ironic thing is, as I'm writing this, no one really knows about this blog and I don't think a single person has read it yet. Funny.

Also, one more note: the only ones that are posted so far are the same ones on my facebook profile, so I'm sorry if you were looking for something new and you've already read them there. Maybe I'll put some new ones that I've finished soon...

Part II

I once was asked:
What do you have to offer?
What can you give to make her want to be yours?

I sit here now
and think of the answers
that I can give to satisfy the questions asked.

I don’t have much
to my name at the moment
beyond a few dollars, a used car, and a few odds and ends.

I do have myself,
and all that I have become
which is imperfect, but is still a work in progress:

I am determined.
If there is ever something
that I want, I set my mind to it and get it done.

I am smart.
Learning comes easy to me.
I enjoy it a lot and like to see and do new things.

I’m a hard worker.
When I have a job to do
I like to not just do it, but I like to do it well.

I know right
from wrong and do my best
to live in a way that reflects what I know inside.

I’m hygienic.
It may not seem like much
but I brush my teeth and clean myself up daily.

I’m well-mannered.
I try to be respectful to all.
I also try to treat every girl like the princess she is.

I try to sacrifice
and put others before myself
because I find that I am happier when I do so.

I’m outgoing
and like to get to know people
and help lift, cheer, and put smiles on their faces.

I’m funny
and like jokes and laughing
because I prefer to laugh rather than get angry or sad.

I try to help.
I can read people pretty well
and I like to make a sad, bad, or hard day better for them.

I listen.
I try hard to do it well
because it is often the best thing I can do for other people.

I am strong-willed.
I don’t care what most think of me
and those that I do sometimes don’t know how much they influence me.

I like to serve
and do random acts of kindness.
It gives me a rush and I love the reactions when others see it.

I’m dependable
and I want others to know it
because I know unfulfilled promises and words can hurt the most.

I’m curious
and I love to see the world
and everything in it and how it all works and fits together.

I’m flexible
I don’t mind changing my day
so that something good or important can get accomplished.

I try to change.
If there’s something I feel
that needs to be different in my life, I work hard to change.

I’m cheerful
and happy most of the time.
I see life as a beautiful thing and try my best to enjoy every day.

I’m not perfect

I can be stubborn,
I can be unpunctual,
I can be quick to judge,
I can say a careless word,
I can be impatient with life,
I can be apathetic at times, too.

But

I can promise to be someone who loves
the sound of rain falling on the trees
lazy summer days spent together
snowflakes floating in the air
dancing slowly to our song
caring for our children

I can promise to be someone who has a love for life.

(That is to say, a love for her.)

Like I said before:
I’m not perfect.

But

I try my very best
to become someone who brings out the best in others.

...and no, I'm not really talking about China.

China wrapped in paper and string
is to most a precious thing

we try to handle with great care
for it is valuable, and very rare.

'Tis fragile and with ease can break
(This very thought makes many quake)

and so, to stop this, they work hard,
to assure that it remains unmarred.

Most will take and hide it away
or put in a safe place to display

behind a latch, or lock and key
they put it there for all to see

but none may touch, that much is clear
because of that which they all fear

an act of God, or a hand that slips,
that puts in china many small chips,

or maybe it lend to a careless soul
who then forgets; leaving you unwhole,

and also there are those who steal,
to leave a place that never heals.

or even worse; a spiteful toss
that turns this prize into but dross.

So into cupboard and box they go,
for protection and safety. Although,

I must confess I much prefer
to bring it out and share with her.

It’s true, while doing, I take a risk,
that someone will crack or break that disk

But what good is displayed china to me?
I’d rather use it in good company.

And if, by chance, the china is broken,
by one of the ways that I have spoken,

I’ll take it, mend it, or buy it anew,
for the risk is worth it, to share with you

my china, wrapped up in paper and string,
which is, of course, my most precious thing.

Wife Wanted

Someone with a sense of humor;
who can laugh freely and without restraint.

Someone who smiles often
because she is genuinely happy with life.

Someone who is confident and can stand on her own,
but who still needs and wants me.

Who has passions and talents that she enjoys,
wants to develop,
shares with me,
and is willing to give up if she ever had to.

Someone who enjoys the sunshine
and the feeling of a new day.

Someone who likes to sit with me on the grass,
and just talk and listen to the summer breeze.

Someone who can find and appreciate
the millions of joys that are scattered throughout life.

Who’s eyes brighten at something so simple as
the sound of falling rain,
the smell of a new spring,
and the feeling of a lazy summer night.

Someone who takes care of herself
and cares about the way she looks and feels

Someone who can look in the mirror
and be happy with what she sees.

Someone who allows me to know
who she really is.

Who isn’t afraid nor ashamed
of who she was,
who she will become,
and who she can help me be.

Someone who is truly willing to get to know me
as I come to know myself.

Someone who is interested in my passions and desires
and encourages me to follow them.

Someone who listens and learns to ask me the right questions,
and who won’t think ill of me for being me.

Who is patient as we come to know of my many faults
and who loves me despite of them,
but who loves me enough
to help me overcome them.

Someone who runs and jumps into my arms,
when she sees me coming to her.

Someone who isn’t afraid to kiss me in public,
or hold my hand when we walk.

Someone who likes to hold me,
and be held in return.

Who wants to always be in love,
for time,
for eternity,
and is willing to work and sacrifice for that goal.

Someone who is as excited to see me,
as I am to see her.

Someone who loves to surprise me
with things that seem silly, but are sweet.

Someone who calls just to hear my voice,
and who leaves me love notes just because.

Who is preoccupied for my comfort,
my well-being,
my happiness,
and who knows that I am preoccupied for hers.

Someone who appreciates
what others do for her.

Someone who encourages me to be myself
because it makes her happy.

Someone who brings out the best in me,
and I bring out the best in her.

Someone who puts me before her friends,
before her family,
before her children,
and who knows I will do the same.

Someone who loves being swept of her feet,
by someone who really loves her.

Someone who lets me buy her favorite food,
and bring it to her when she’s feeling down.

Someone who loves random acts of kindness
and who will let me dote on her.

Someone who doesn’t mind being treated like what she is;
a princess,
and who is willing to show me gently how one should be treated,
but who forgives me for not always expressing it in the way she expects.

Someone who makes plans,
but is willing to change them to do something good or exciting.

Someone who is young at heart
and never lets herself grow old.

Someone who wants to see and know
everything good that life has to offer.

Who wants to fly,
to grow,
to fulfill dreams,
and become everything good she possibly can be.

Someone who knows that bad times will come,
but remembers the good.

Someone who isn’t afraid to do right,
even though it may bring sorrow.

Someone who grows and learns
through every trial and pain.

Who has patience and knows that
every night has a dawn,
every storm has an end,
and every spring follows winter and brings life again.

Someone who isn’t afraid to cry
when it hurts inside.

Someone who can stand steadfast and strong,
when I stumble and try.

Someone who has a tender heart,
and a desire to understand.

Who can be that shoulder I cry on,
that hug that comforts me,
that love that lifts me up,
but who will also let me be the same for her.

Someone who is quick to say, “I’m sorry.”
and who allows me to apologize.

Someone who says the words “I love you.”
and expects to hear them, too.

Someone who quick to build up others,
and slow to tear them down.

Who realizes the power in her words,
her attitude,
her desires,
and tries hard to use them only for good.

Someone who wants to be a mother,
and has the heart of one.

Someone who desires to have kids,
and raise them together with me.

Someone who loves to sing and read,
so she can make tender memories for her children.

Who is willing to nurture,
to teach,
to heal,
to sacrifice to bring love into her home.

Someone who is content
to just enjoy one another’s company.

Someone who doesn’t necessarily care what she is doing,
but who she is doing it with.

Someone who listens,
and tries to understand me.

Who shares what she’s learned that day,
what she saw,
what she felt,
and knows that I want to hear.

Someone who sees every day as a gift
and wakes up by my side happy to be there.

Someone who is excited to learn
and see everything good that the world has to offer,

Someone who is thankful for opportunities,
and who tries not to let them slip by.

Who gets a thrill just by seeing the sun rise
for another day,
for another time,
for another chance to live and make a difference in others.

Someone who is not afraid to try and fail
and who allows me that same courtesy.

Someone who recognizes we both may fall at times,
but who’s always willing to get back up again.

Someone who isn’t perfect
because I know that if she were she probably wouldn’t want me,

Someone who is willing to hold my hand,
not run ahead,
nor lag behind,
but match me step for step until the end.

But I know that what I want–
what I need–

is someone to run with me,
someone to laugh with me,
someone to live life with me,
someone to cry with me,

a friend, a lover,
a daughter, a mother,
a wife.

I think of her all the time,
even though I may not know exactly who she is right now.
But I will in the future
and that is enough for me.