A yougoogooley for my Nuskin job

So today is my last day as an employee here at Nuskin and I have to say that overall, the job was pretty good. For those of you who may not know, I've been working these past six months as an agent in the Nuskin call center. More specifically, I've been working with the distributors that they have in Mexico and Venezuela. My job usually involves me sitting at a desk with a headset on in front of a computer just waiting until someone calls. While we're waiting, we're allowed to do homework, read, go on the Internet and other stuff like that. I can honestly say I've done more homework in these 6 months than I ever have before. That's also the reason why it seems like I'm always on facebook talking to people. I get lonely and bored (there's only so much homework you can do).

As I was saying, today's my last day and these last six months have been pretty good. I mean, it's certainly not perfect, but the overall experience has been nice. I've learned some very important things about life, such as: multi-level marketing is of the devil and should not exist as a way to run a business, people are probably not as smart nor as right as they think they are, and people will pay ridiculous amounts of money for soap and shampoo.

But I must say that my co-workers and some pretty entertaining experiences with some of the distributors have to be the two best parts about this job. That, and the fact that I won't have to buy shampoo and toothpaste for at least a year. So I've decided to include some of the more entertaining ones that have happened in this little eulogy for my job (and for the sake of those who don't know Spanish, I've translated the dialog for you all).

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The first one I had was with a woman who called in to make an order for some products that she wanted. She was a nice, older lady and we had fun talking, but finally we came to the end where I had to give her an order number. Our conversation went something like this:

"Alright ma'am, so I have your order number ready for you. Are you ready to write it down?"
"Just a second... yes, I'm ready."

"Alright. Your number is 1,2,2,4..."
"1,2,2,4..."

"5,6,2,3..."
"5,D,2,3..."

"Oh, sorry, I must have told you the number wrong. It's 6 - not D. 5,6,2,3."
"D?"

"No, it's 6. Like the number 6."
"D? As in dedo?" (that's Spanish for finger)

"No, it's 6. As in the number that comes after 5--"
(interrupting) "Oh, so it's 5?"

"No, it's 6."
"D?"

"No, ma'am. It's a number. Six. Six. Siiiiiiiiiiix. You know, it comes after 5 and before 7?"
"...I don't understand."

"Hmmm... well, it's 6, as in: 1,2,3,4,5,6. The last number, you know?" (I almost wanted to say: "as in, not the letter D" but then I would have felt bad because she was such a nice little old lady, just a little hard of hearing.)

This conversation went on like this for literally 10 minutes or so, until I said the following:
"it's 6, as in 60, 65, 68"

Then she was like:"Oh 6. I get it."
(The worst part is, the number 6 and the letter D sound nothing alike, not even in Spanish)

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I actually didn't get this call. The guy who did was Stephen, who used to sit right behind me. I happened to finish a call with a person when I heard him say:

"...so you mean to tell me that I, before I was born, flew around as a spirit and came to my parents and told them my name?"

"..."

"...right."

"So my kids will do the same thing to me before I have them."

"..."

"...right. What if I don't want to name them that?"

"..."

"...right."

You have to realize, half of the reason why this was so funny was because of the type of person Stephen is. He's pretty cool, but one of his characteristics that people notice first about him is his sarcasm and his dry, sarcastic humor. I talked to him after he was done with the call and he told me that a woman called who claimed that she was a type of prophetess. She then began to tell him about how she lived in a trailer park and told people's fortunes by using numbers. She then told Stephen's fortune using the same system and then tried to convince him that people choose their names before their born. Needless to say, Stephen didn't believe her, and if I'm not mistaken, I think she hung up on him.

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Some people like to call at night. Some people like to call at lunch. Some people, like this woman who I was trying to put into our system, like to call when they're at parties or standing in the middle of a busy intersection:

Me: "Hello, my name is Brenton and thanks for calling Nuskin enterprises, how can I help you?"
(people shouting)
Her: "Hello? Hello! Hello!"

Me: "Hello, ma'am, my name is Brenton. How can I help you today?"
(long pause with sounds of cars passing in the background)

Me: "Hello, ma'am?"
(a noisy 2-cycle motorcycle passes by)
Her: "Hello? Hello! Hello! Who am I talking to?"

Me: "I'm Brenton, how can I help you?"
Her: "Ok, I need to sign myself up."

Me: "Alright, let me get a number for you real quick... alright. I have it. So, the number is V, E, zero, zero, zero, zero, six, six, five."
(Car honks)
Her: "What? Hello! Hello!"

Me: "Hello. I have the number that you need. It's: VE0000665"
(Someone starts yelling really close to her)
Her: "Huh? It's BI000065?"

Me: "No, it's VE000-"
Her: "Hello! Hello!" (More cars honking)

Me: "Hello. I'm still here. The number is-"
(people talking)
Her: "Hello!"

Me: "Ma'am, I'm still here - your number is VE0000665"
Her: "It's VI000065?"

Me: "No, it's VE and 665."
(Tires screech and a horn honks)
Her: "Hello? Hello!"

Me: "Ma'am. I'm still here. Your number is VE0000665"
Her: "You're speaking too softly and it sounds like you're far away. Speak up!"

Me: "Ok, your number is VE0000665."
Her: "BI65?"

Me: "No, it's VE0000665."
Her: "VE000065?"

Me: "665."
(music starts playing loudly nearby)
Her: "I don't her you hardly at all. Hello? Hello!"

Me: "I'm still here."

The call went on for about a half hour. I must confess that I prefer when they're calling from a party or something, because then they at least have some good music playing in the background.

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There's a woman who often calls who, after I introduce myself, always says, "I'm calling you... right?"

The funny part isn't so much of what she says, but what I had the urge to tell her. Last time she called, I almost told her, "No, you're not calling us." and then hang up on her. The only reasons why I didn't were because she probably wouldn't have found that very funny and because my work would probably have gotten mad at me. Oh, well. At least I'm prepared for a comeback if someone ever calls my cell and says that...

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The other day I was charging someone's credit card and it wasn't working. It was because the date on the card was wrong. I told the woman this and she told me to change the date. The date that she wanted me to change it to was the 22nd month of 2013. Now, I know that 2013 is still a little ways away, but unless there is some type of global announcement that I missed, I think we're still going to have 12 months every year. I tried to explain the woman this, but she didn't believe me and tried to tell me how it really is possible to have 22 months in a year. I still don't get it...

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People have a hard time saying my name in Latin America. When I first started, they would ask me to repeat my name and I would help them understand it and get it right. I stopped doing this after a while because it could sometimes take about 5 minutes to help them figure it out and usually involved spelling it in several creative ways. So instead of going through this long process, I decided just to agree with whatever name they happen to call me after I say my name.

"What's your name?"
"Brenton."

"Bryan?"
"Yup, that's it."

So here is a little list some of the more common names and more entertaining ones that I've been called in these last two weeks (because I don't remember most of the ones that they've said before then). I've been called: Brandon, Bryan, Fransico, Bray, Fran, Brighton, Franco, Paco, Franklin, Ray, Juan, Braydo, and my personal favorite, Friend.

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The last one that I am going to mention today is one of my favorites. I was helping someone with a problem and afterwards I asked if there was anything else that she needed. She said that there wasn't, so I told her goodbye and proceeded to write up a little report about what happened. As I did, I suddenly heard 'The Entertainer' (the piano song) start to play over my headset in full 16-bit sound! I started laughing and looked around, a little confused, trying to figure out what was going on. It played through one full time and was into the second when I finally figured out what happened: the woman who I was talking to, instead of hanging up the phone, had put me on hold instead. (Apparently, she has a thing for 'The Entertainer' playing in high-def 16-bit sound) I thought it was pretty great and told my boss that they should make it so that all agents can listen to that same type of high quality while they're writing their reports. He told me no. Sad!

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...and thus ends my yougoogooley. The job has treated me well, may it Rest In Peace, but, alas, I must now move on to greener pastures and better things...