Grin and Bear it

it kills me
slowly

i can feel it

i'd call it a wound but in truth it was never
there
but the absence of it eats at
me
like a canker that
never

heals

so i scream and yell in my agony
but no one

hears
for my shouts are muffled by four walls of silence
and a smile that bars the only door
out

you think it would be
insincere

but it's not
which is the best
part
and I resent it for that
at times

so my grief echoes
in my stoic prison
and my ears ring
from my foolish mistakes

I hate what I hear

Words
that cause my heart to tremble

Thoughts
that spawn demons in my soul

They hurt

I'm tempted to ask the smile to
leave
so that I might open the door and find relief from these
demons

but deep down I know
I confess
that the unrestrained freedom
would do nothing to alleviate the pain

so the smile remains
and greets cheerfully all who come
to the door

Most walk away
happy to have met him
Some wait outside a while
but never ask to come in
Others never come near
thinking all is well
a Few even resent him
which makes me feel...

so I sit down and wait
with my hands on my ears
and my heart in a wrapped box next to me

waiting
with what I hope is patience
waiting
for what I do not know
waiting

I feel Someone come closer

I turn
and Someone sits next to me

Who let them in?
I heard no knock
Yet the door stands open
and its keeper grins back at me warmly

My friend pulls my hands
away from my ears
and I am greeted by

Silence

The demons are gone;
the echoes stilled.

My Friend's kind words
are all that I hear.

My newfound Friend
turns to the box,
opens it,
takes what little I have to offer
(without scorn nor malice),
and gives me a new gift,
although I don't know why.

And, taking me by the hand,
my Friend helps me up
and walks with me outside.